Most of the time, there is a huge difference between the mother i want to be and the mother i am. Maybe some of you feel the same...
The discrepancy between the mother i would like to be and the mother i am is something that bothers me a lot since Alva was born. I always wanted my child to have the same kind of childhood that i was most fortunate to have and the fact that i can not provide this comes up many times in conversations as the main source of my frustrations. I know that if i don't find a way to bring the two mothers together, if i can't release the expectations towards myself to be the mother i would like to be and release the guilt of being the mother i am, i will never be entirely happy.
The mother i want to be is a lot like my mother. She has time to spend with her child because her work is her family and the house ( yeap, that's right, i am admitting it, i am really conservative in that sense). She has so much patience that nothing can disrupt her calm and her gentleness. She has tons of creative ideas and she is an amazing cook and baker. And she always has cut fruits in a little box in case someone gets a little hungry. The mother i want to be finds ways to communicate in a constructive way with her child and understands its needs and limitations. To make it short: some kind of a super mom.
Now...The mother i am is quite the opposite. I am working most of the day and the time that i can dedicate to my family and to the house is limited. I often feel tired and exhausted from my day in the office and i am impatient and rushing, and things often take too long for my liking. I have tons of creative ideas but no time to realize them. I am a lousy cook and prefer to leave the kitchen to Ohad because i don't have the energy that is needed to put into the food so it would taste awesome. And often when in the park, Alva says: "Ima maim" (Mom, water) and i realize that his bottle is standing at home on the kitchen table. Every now and then, I feel that i don't know my child enough to be able to understand him and find the right words and the best way to communicate with him, and many times our miscommunication ends in a big tantrum.
So i set myself the goal in the last weeks to find a way to reconcile my working side with the "wanna-stay-home-side". And here are some very simple tips of things that helped me and that i try to integrate in my daily routine. I realized that it's not about giving up on aspects of my working life, that i like and enjoy; it's about rebalancing the time between work and family and about the focus i give to things i do.
- Save some of your energy for the evening hours (instead of giving 200% at work, give 150%).
- Try to dedicate the few hours a day you have with your child to him entirely, try not to look at the phone and not to think about anything else than the present moment with him. Try to dive into his world.
-Try to cook or bake at least once a week for your family and put love and effort into the food you serve.
- Try to reflect your own behavior, slow down and be aware of your child's personality when you share time with him.
- Keep in mind that this time is precious because it is unique without any rewind button.
Bottom line, i realized that for me, it's about opening the door of the house and putting all my efforts on being the mother i want to be for a few hours a day...then i am be the mother i am with some sprinkles of the mother i would like to be.
Are you a working mom and feel the same frustration? How are you dealing with it? I would love to hear your stories and tips in the comments :-)